Beautiful, the Mess We Are

Often our unfaithful "mess" is the evidence in our lives that God is breaking us down (piece by piece) in order to build something better.

"Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a hallelujah."

Of course, this is a song sung by Amy Grant. I've played this many, many (many) times while walking through things I could not understand. In some cases, I would want the hurt to stop so bad, that I would attempt to go around the suffering to avoid it, rather than walking through it.

This is never a good idea, is it? I mean, the Israelites did this and they ended up wandering in the wilderness on a "detour" that took forty years! They could've had a lot of time "spending the day in self examination and commemorating the atonement...thus being cleansed of their sins." However, I do not know whether they decided to use the time in that way. I once heard Joni Ereckson Tada talk about making sure that our suffering is not wasted. A light went on, because I had not known that we could WASTE suffering. My objective, as far as being honoring to Christ, became to remove suffering...because if I did not, then God's TIME was being wasted. Lately, I've been wondering why so many preachers/teachers give examples of "God" that have to do instead with willpower. I was listening to a message today where the (evangelical Christian) teacher said that once we are saved, we will become faithful to the things God is wanting us to do. He then gave an example of a guy waiting in line all day and night to get tickets to the Superbowl, but then, becoming very hungry in the middle of the night, he sees the Golden Arches of McDonalds, and though he's very close to getting his prize, he gets out of line to go get some food. Now, you see where I'm going: He loses what he's waited for all that time because his senses took over. The teacher (minister) said that this guy was not a very faithful Superbowl fan, and that when we become Christians, we don't step out of the line...we wait, and stick it out.

Interesting. Interesting and SAD, I think...because it's NOT TRUE. The first thing I thought of, hearing his story was Esau and Jacob in Genesis. Esau's birthright was at stake, and he "stepped out of line" if you will (as in his birth order, his family line,) in order to have a bowl of soup. Now, as an American, evangelical Christian, the idea of a birthright means nothing to me because it simply is not part of my culture. But in the Hebrew culture, birthrights are quite a big deal. There is certain inheritance and certain blessings designed specifically for the firstborn son, but once these blessings are bestowed, they cannot be taken back...a father can't "reneg" on the blessings and then "reverse" the order or give them to another son. It's sort of like when Jacob worked seven years to win Rachael, only to find that he'd been "tricked" into marrying her older sister Leah first! (Same family, next generation) :).

Anyway, when did Laban, Rachel's father plan on telling Jacob this? I suppose it was after he'd toiled those first seven years, believing that the "terms" of what he was getting were specifically laid out. Were they written out, or did Jacob trust and assume? Anyway, how many times are we "set up" to do the wrong thing? So many times, there are hidden motives from someone behind the scenes as well. In the case of Esau, and Jacob, it was their mother Rebekah. (Remember?). She wanted her favorite son Jacob to HAVE Esau's birthright, and she knew exactly what weakness to take advantage of. she had Jacob prepare that food right when Esau came in, tired, sweaty, hungry, and the trade was the birthright for the soup. Meanwhile Rebekah prepared her own food for her favorite son to take in to daddy, and even had him cover his hands with goat hair (Esau means hairy). What happened was not Jacob's fault, is was not Esau's fault, and it certainly was not Isaac's fault. Isaac was on his DEATHBED, for crying out loud! And here's his faithful wife, just re-arranging things for her OWN benefit (and using her twin sons to do it) even when she knows he doesn't have long to live.

But when I hear this story taught, the teacher always seems to make the focal point, how stupid Esau was for not having enough self-control. He didn't think, he let his senses take over. Exactly! Of course he did...and any one of US would've done the same because we're weak, temporal people who live in the moment. This goes against the holy, wonderful idea of having enough self control to NOT walk away, but it's true. This does not even take into account that Rebekah was being a scurvy little spider who had plans of her own. She even tells Jacob to just do what she tells him and let the consequences be on her head (because she knows that what she's doing is wrong.). So Jacob obeys because that's what he's asked to do. He's now become an accomplice to the whole thing, and even if he ISN'T completely innocent, which he probably wasn't... his mother sorta had him by the throat, if you will, and who knows how much grief he would've gotten if he had not done what his momma said. So, poor Isaac is basically hoodwinked because he's too weak to do anything about it (and so is Esau). Esau had only done the right thing by obeying his father, and then, when he comes home, he unknowingly steps right into a trap!

I believe that knowing God personally means sweetly learning that He is faithful when we are IN the mess. He loves us, he walks us through, and the "redemption" (though it's often a long time coming) is the proof that he "holds" us steady through the hard (sometimes impossible circumstances). This redemption often cannot show itself until we walk through some things that we are not ABLE to manage on our own. But I believe most of the examples we are given in Evangelical Christianity, appeal more to our sense of self control, rather than allowing God control over our lives. The folks who lived in the time of the Old Covenant went through circumstances that seem so... out of reach to us today, that many of us probably believe they are irrelevant. At least, this is what I thought. I'm not Jewish, and I'm under the Blood...under the Cross...under the New Covenant. Right?

Whew! I can heave a sigh of relief and go on with my shallow little life, right? Now, I'm not saying that anyone else's life is shallow... I just know that mine became that way...and I've found that no memorizing Bible verses or using "Christian cliche's" can help. Esau was human...so was Joseph, so was Hannah, so was Noah, so were Adam and Eve...and yet I've sat in church for years, and heard their stories told from the "platform" of making no mistakes (If they'd only TRUSTED God)!! If THEY had only listened. If THEY had only waited. "See, this is what happens when WE don't obey God." Well, wait a minute? Doesn't this sorta "shift" the focus over to US as people?? I mean, think about it: How many times have you heard the entire Bible taught through the "lens" of our pathetic failures, rather than God's SUCCESSES?? Oh sure: Jesus went to the cross. We chant it like morons all the time because we think this is all that's NECESSARY to say. This is the ULTIMATE victory, right? Sure it is...and we can love and adore our savior based on this truth...the truth of what his DEATH did for US. (Besides that, we'll burn in Hell, if we don't, right?). But what about what his LIFE teaches us about who he IS? What about what our lives can and SHOULD do for HIM? Is it possible that Yahweh, the one true God "sets us up" to fail in order that he could WALK us through those difficulties(sometimes impossibilities) so we can SEE him give us the victory?? Is it possible that he PLANS on NOT giving us the victory (as we expect it) because this teaches us to ENDURE more like Old Covenant believers?...

So, what about the example given by the minister I heard? Well, first of all, without mincing words...it's a crappy example. Superbowl tickets and McDonalds?? So incredibly materialistic. To use these two things to try and represent how we become faithful once we come to God is, to me, rather strange. The example might work, figuratively speaking...but this example seems to convey that when we desire to gratify ourselves with materialistic things, we lose! God is not going to HELP us appeal to our flesh so that we can be glad we stayed in the line, and claimed a prize that is strictly to satisfy us. Now there's nothing wrong with Superbowl tickets and there's nothing wrong with McDonalds...but this example seems to have more to do with our own sense of self control, or perhaps a lack thereof, rather than trusting God to help us wade through rough waters.

So, while I don't care for the division of old and new, I see it like this: Old Covenant believers. Went through the process of suffering understanding that it was inevitable, and knowing also that it was necessary to the process. Biblical believers under the New Covenant believed this as well...but today, especially in our western culture...we have a sense of entitlement. We want things instantaneously. We believe suffering for Christ is getting in a argument with someone at church, and we often put our heavenly Father on time limit: we think that a certain "process" designed to help us mature should not take more than a month, at most. And when it does take more than a month, we plead with God that he remove it change it, make it better, make it different, and we live in fear that the Enemy is messing with our lives, or that God is angry with something we've done. At least I know, this is what happens to me. So, I also offer this: our works alone will do nothing for us as far as being close to Yeshua, as long as we remain a non-believer; but...(deep breath), salvation ALONE is NOT enough for one to CULTIVATE a RELATIONSHIP with our Heavenly Father.

Oh boy... I can hear the gasps and feel the tension...as though I've just committed the worst sort of blasphemy. What I'm saying is, becoming "saved" only OPENS the door between us and God. But will we walk through? Will we draw near to him? Will we SEEK his face day by day?. I think the "undercurrent" of most evangelical Christianity is that we CAN'T do this because it's by God's grace alone. So we "back off" almost as if God will be offended if we presume TO trust him. We think we're not "letting him have the reins," so to speak, and slowly, the emphasis becomes on what WE are doing or not doing, rather than what God is up to. The "angle" of God's grace or nothing that so many of us hear pastors chanting like parrots (God bless them!) can cause many us to be scared to death of the Old Covenant LAW, because we think of hundreds of commandments in addition to the original ten, we think of blood sacrifices (so far removed from us), we think of mandates for worship impossible to keep. Now, granted, who would want to go through all that? Who could go through all that?

A couple days ago I came across an article that's about 12 years old now. It was about Dr. Laura Schlessenger having denounced Judaism. This shocked me because, for a while...a LONG while...she was so heavily into it. She taught a series on The Ten Commandments that I will never forget because she addressed the importance of things like choosing to be committed to (the Sabbath) for example because that's an act of discipline that helps us connect with God (or something to that affect). I remember thinking, "This would be way too hard for me to do, but I have so much respect for her, having the guts to do that." Well, apparently, it was too much work for her as well. Dr. Laura said she did not feel a connection with God. Wow. She's right ya know... It is too much work: that is, following all the commandments and doing it perfectly. No one can, and no one knows that better than someone who's tried! But I'd imagine, it would NOT give one a closer connection with God...if they'd never MET him to begin with. To me, this is what the initial ACT of "getting saved" means. You hear of God's plan of salvation, you pray and ask him into your heart, and the door has now been opened: You meet with God (so to speak) and there is an awareness that your sins are forgiven. Yes!! As many Christians will tell you, there is now a "party" in Heaven because your sins have been forgiven. But this does not mean hat we KNOW God (certainly not on any intimate level) and it doesn't mean that we've allowed God to get to know US either.

I know, for a long time, I'd never even heard that second part. Never did I think it was necessary for God to "know" me, because God KNOWS everything, right? So, right under my nose, all my "effort" went into knowing HIM. again, the focus was actually on ME rather than God, but I did not realize this. In my head, it was based on Christ's original "death on the cross.". Which is what I was taught, and this is correct...But what did God getting to know ME have to with it? Oh dear oh dear...I've been walking right over the very thing that I was telling other people they needed to have with Jesus...a relationship! Think about it: I NEED to know Jesus because if I don't I'll burn in Hell for all eternity.". Does this sound like a relationship to you?? It sounds like a scare tactic to me! Yet, isn't this what we tell people in church (basically)? We say this WHILLE we're also telling people that salvation is a CHOICE they make. I'm sorry...come again?? So, it's a choice, but I have no choice?? Okay, which one sounds easier?: Swallowing that or attempting to follow the Ten Commandments?? Yikes!

But in our culture, we are made to believe that anything outside of accepting Christ's death on the cross is legalism, and right away, we think "Old Testament"... "Old Covenant.". Not necessary anymore because Jesus's death "cancelled it out," right? I've heard pastors say this, haven't you? But consider this: Jesus Christ was Jewish, so was Paul, so were all of his disciples. All these men followed the "savior" or the Messiah, right? I mean, that's WHY they followed him...they believed he was who he said he was...well, he said, he was the Son of God. We (Christians) tell people that Jesus is the Savior, right? That's the whole point to them becoming believers, right? Abraham was known as a "friend" of God and Enoch was known as a "righteous" man because he "walked" with God. Do you think either of these men had such a description because they merely walked an isle and prayed a prayer? Do you think walking an isle and praying a prayer was enough when Jesus told his disciples to abandon everything they had and follow him? I don't think so! So what did they have? For one thing they had the stories of the Old Covenant saints handed down. Now scripture was "in process" as far as being recorded at this time... They could not just pick up their Bible, as we can today, but the stories of "old" were handed down. As the woman at the well said: "Our forefather(Jacob) worshipped here.". She was at Jacob's Well, remember? So what does Jesus tell her: "You worship you know not what; for salvation is of the Jews.". There it is. See it? I mean, how can the Old Covenant be irrelevant when it's connected to the New? How can the New Covenant be irrelevant when it's connected to the Old? Now, I would guess that if you asked any Evangelical pastor today, they would tell you that the Old Covenant is not irrelevant, it's part of God's word. Agreed. But the Old Covenant should not (in my opinion) be something that we just "skim" over because it really does not apply to us today.

But it's more than that. Only recently, have I begun to view scripture from a "Jewish" perspective. Is this odd for me? Yes, because I'm not Jewish. However, my Lord, my savior, my Messiah...the entire reason the whole Bible was WRITTEN...He was/is Jewish. The New Testament was written in the Greek. The Greek culture is largely based on thinking and head knowledge, philosophy, myths, etc. The Old Testament was written in Hebrew. The Hebrew culture is based on "learn by doing.". It's action oriented. In other words, "show me how.". Hmmm... so, when we Evangelicals, "evangelize" to people, we're sharing information about Christ and then using scripture (I hope) to back it up, right? Great! But then what do they do with it after that? Now granted, we cannot follow people around, and spoon feed them once we've witnessed to them. But I will quote Mr. Holland's Opus: "I don't know what you're doing with the knowledge, Mr. Holland, but as a compass, you're stuck."

I do not write this, to say that everyone should do what I do. It's a personal choice. I just know that, for me, somewhere along the way, I got stuck. I got stuck, and spiritually, I became "dried up.". I knew I was missing something but could not figure out what it was. Wasn't Jesus enough? Yes. So why was I just going through the motions with a list in my head of all the right things to do? (Go to church, read your Bible, pray)...isn't this what I'd wanted to prevent? Yes. So why had I come to a place where I was DOING all the right things and seemed to be getting nowhere? All I know is, at some point, I stopped growing. The truth I had is still true...but I wasn't moving anywhere with it. Question: Who can truly RELATE to Jesus's death on the cross? I really can't. I'm not saying that it did not happen. I'm not saying that it was not payment for our sins. It was. But when it all comes down, my finite mind cannot comprehend it. I CAN however, comprehend Martha being angry with Mary because she would not come and help her cook (why do we fault Martha for this? :)). I can comprehend David saying "Every night, my pillow is wet with tears.". I can comprehend Peter saying that he would never betray Jesus, because I used to believe this about my own life. Experience has taught me otherwise. I can comprehend Mary Magdalene being a friend of Jesus. She was an outcast, so was he...so am I.

But one way or another, all the incomprehensible things done in the Bible, were done by REAL people... The betrayal in the garden, the birth of children, the building of the ark, the Egyptians watching the river turn to blood, the grief at the death of the first born sons, the confusion of watching the magicians turn THEIR rods into serpents, crossing the Red Sea, the building and dismantling of the tabernacle, the scarlet cord that helped hide the spies, A father tying his son on the altar, as a Sacraficial Lamb, a mother hiding her baby in a basket, and sending him away so he would not be put to death, a father, packing up his wife and infant child in the middle of the night, and fleeing, so HIS baby would not be put to death, A commanding General, having one of his best men murdered so he could have his wife, a woman, married to a complete fool getting on her knees and begging for mercy, wondering if her food and wine will appease that same general and his men, a man wrestling with God himself and getting a dislocated hip, a woman getting on her knees in a temple, and weeping bitterly, crying out to God to give her a son, a rebellious man, swallowed and spit out by a whale, another man forcing his donkey down a path that would've killed them both, a coat of many colors destroyed.

A baby born in a stable in Bethlehem, a mother scorned for being pregnant out of wedlock, a man being made mute for not believing a divine visitor, a little boy with a sack lunch, a blind man with clay on his eyes, a paralyzed man at a pool, a woman saved from being stoned to death, a little girl who was only sleeping, a bride who watched a wedding guest turn water into wine, a servant girl who said "I saw you with him,". A traitor who kissed Jesus on the cheek, and whoever put up the words: King of the Jews, a revelation given on the island of Crete. All these things somehow involved people. It would take a relationship, because for all this we need a lifetime to learn. The Old Covenant mirrors the New...and no one-time prayer is sufficient for that. It's walking, everyday, watching our path become narrow and rocky...jagged...sharp. We cling to the promise that He will not let our feet slip. Without it, we're stuck. But who is HE that he can make such a promise...maybe that's the whole point. I write this because I've been trampling on the one thing I know I need...a relationship, with the Lover of My Soul. In this, I am no different than anyone in scripture...broken, bruised, crying on the floor...standing before the King to find out my fate...

What will he say to me? Right choices WILL be rewarded. Wrong ones burned up in the Refiner's Fire...because we have the ability to know. "How will they know, if they do not hear?" right? So, as an Evangelical, I've been "winning" people, telling them just to stand INSIDE the door! This is all that matters. You need go no further, because HE will do the rest. This is SO not true!! We must get into the mess of life and decide to abide in Him, which means "your people shall be my people and your God my God." I cannot take what I like and leave the rest! I must get into the "mess" of serving him because we are bound together with a seal that lasts FOREVER. Do I really want to go all that time just standing at his door!! I'm "in," but I gathered no "oil" to keep my lamp burning. Perhaps I did not want Him to see my mess. I know now, that when I face eternity...that will not do.


Scriptures:

"Wandering in the Wilderness" Numbers 14:20-24
"Self Examination" Leviticus 16:29-30
"Jacob and Esau" Genesis 25:19-34
"Leah and Rachael" Genesis, chapters 29-35
"Seeking his face" 2 Chronicles 7:14
"Abraham, friend Od God" James 2:23 Bible story: Genesis chapters 12-22
"Enoch" Genesis 5:18-24
"The Woman at the Well" John 4:5-42
"Your People Shall be..." Ruth 1:16


Things that helped me:

"Laura Schlessenger Dr. Laura Renounces Jewish Orthodoxy"
By: Lisa Keyes
Rabbi Greg Hershberg: Messianic Judaism 101 Replacement Theology (03/03/2012) YouTube
The Prophecy Club: Rebecca Park Totilo "Ancient Hebrew Wedding Customs" YouTube
"Messianic Judaism" (parts 1-3) Ian May (Nov. 6, 2012) YouTube