Often our unfaithful "mess" is the evidence in our lives that God is breaking us down (piece by piece) in order to build something better.
"Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a hallelujah."
Of course, this is a song sung by Amy Grant. I've played this many, many (many) times while walking through things I could not understand. In some cases, I would want the hurt to stop so bad, that I would attempt to go around the suffering to avoid it, rather than walking through it.
This is never a good idea, is it? I mean, the Israelites did this and they ended up wandering in the wilderness on a "detour" that took forty years! They could've had a lot of time "spending the day in self examination and commemorating the atonement...thus being cleansed of their sins." However, I do not know whether they decided to use the time in that way. I once heard Joni Ereckson Tada talk about making sure that our suffering is not wasted. A light went on, because I had not known that we could WASTE suffering. My objective, as far as being honoring to Christ, became to remove suffering...because if I did not, then God's TIME was being wasted. Lately, I've been wondering why so many preachers/teachers give examples of "God" that have to do instead with willpower. I was listening to a message today where the (evangelical Christian) teacher said that once we are saved, we will become faithful to the things God is wanting us to do. He then gave an example of a guy waiting in line all day and night to get tickets to the Superbowl, but then, becoming very hungry in the middle of the night, he sees the Golden Arches of McDonalds, and though he's very close to getting his prize, he gets out of line to go get some food. Now, you see where I'm going: He loses what he's waited for all that time because his senses took over. The teacher (minister) said that this guy was not a very faithful Superbowl fan, and that when we become Christians, we don't step out of the line...we wait, and stick it out.
Interesting. Interesting and SAD, I think...because it's NOT TRUE. The first thing I thought of, hearing his story was Esau and Jacob in Genesis. Esau's birthright was at stake, and he "stepped out of line" if you will (as in his birth order, his family line,) in order to have a bowl of soup. Now, as an American, evangelical Christian, the idea of a birthright means nothing to me because it simply is not part of my culture. But in the Hebrew culture, birthrights are quite a big deal. There is certain inheritance and certain blessings designed specifically for the firstborn son, but once these blessings are bestowed, they cannot be taken back...a father can't "reneg" on the blessings and then "reverse" the order or give them to another son. It's sort of like when Jacob worked seven years to win Rachael, only to find that he'd been "tricked" into marrying her older sister Leah first! (Same family, next generation) :).
Anyway, when did Laban, Rachel's father plan on telling Jacob this? I suppose it was after he'd toiled those first seven years, believing that the "terms" of what he was getting were specifically laid out. Were they written out, or did Jacob trust and assume? Anyway, how many times are we "set up" to do the wrong thing? So many times, there are hidden motives from someone behind the scenes as well. In the case of Esau, and Jacob, it was their mother Rebekah. (Remember?). She wanted her favorite son Jacob to HAVE Esau's birthright, and she knew exactly what weakness to take advantage of. she had Jacob prepare that food right when Esau came in, tired, sweaty, hungry, and the trade was the birthright for the soup. Meanwhile Rebekah prepared her own food for her favorite son to take in to daddy, and even had him cover his hands with goat hair (Esau means hairy). What happened was not Jacob's fault, is was not Esau's fault, and it certainly was not Isaac's fault. Isaac was on his DEATHBED, for crying out loud! And here's his faithful wife, just re-arranging things for her OWN benefit (and using her twin sons to do it) even when she knows he doesn't have long to live.
But when I hear this story taught, the teacher always seems to make the focal point, how stupid Esau was for not having enough self-control. He didn't think, he let his senses take over. Exactly! Of course he did...and any one of US would've done the same because we're weak, temporal people who live in the moment. This goes against the holy, wonderful idea of having enough self control to NOT walk away, but it's true. This does not even take into account that Rebekah was being a scurvy little spider who had plans of her own. She even tells Jacob to just do what she tells him and let the consequences be on her head (because she knows that what she's doing is wrong.). So Jacob obeys because that's what he's asked to do. He's now become an accomplice to the whole thing, and even if he ISN'T completely innocent, which he probably wasn't... his mother sorta had him by the throat, if you will, and who knows how much grief he would've gotten if he had not done what his momma said. So, poor Isaac is basically hoodwinked because he's too weak to do anything about it (and so is Esau). Esau had only done the right thing by obeying his father, and then, when he comes home, he unknowingly steps right into a trap!
I believe that knowing God personally means sweetly learning that He is faithful when we are IN the mess. He loves us, he walks us through, and the "redemption" (though it's often a long time coming) is the proof that he "holds" us steady through the hard (sometimes impossible circumstances). This redemption often cannot show itself until we walk through some things that we are not ABLE to manage on our own. But I believe most of the examples we are given in Evangelical Christianity, appeal more to our sense of self control, rather than allowing God control over our lives. The folks who lived in the time of the Old Covenant went through circumstances that seem so... out of reach to us today, that many of us probably believe they are irrelevant. At least, this is what I thought. I'm not Jewish, and I'm under the Blood...under the Cross...under the New Covenant. Right?
Whew! I can heave a sigh of relief and go on with my shallow little life, right? Now, I'm not saying that anyone else's life is shallow... I just know that mine became that way...and I've found that no memorizing Bible verses or using "Christian cliche's" can help. Esau was human...so was Joseph, so was Hannah, so was Noah, so were Adam and Eve...and yet I've sat in church for years, and heard their stories told from the "platform" of making no mistakes (If they'd only TRUSTED God)!! If THEY had only listened. If THEY had only waited. "See, this is what happens when WE don't obey God." Well, wait a minute? Doesn't this sorta "shift" the focus over to US as people?? I mean, think about it: How many times have you heard the entire Bible taught through the "lens" of our pathetic failures, rather than God's SUCCESSES?? Oh sure: Jesus went to the cross. We chant it like morons all the time because we think this is all that's NECESSARY to say. This is the ULTIMATE victory, right? Sure it is...and we can love and adore our savior based on this truth...the truth of what his DEATH did for US. (Besides that, we'll burn in Hell, if we don't, right?). But what about what his LIFE teaches us about who he IS? What about what our lives can and SHOULD do for HIM? Is it possible that Yahweh, the one true God "sets us up" to fail in order that he could WALK us through those difficulties(sometimes impossibilities) so we can SEE him give us the victory?? Is it possible that he PLANS on NOT giving us the victory (as we expect it) because this teaches us to ENDURE more like Old Covenant believers?...
So, what about the example given by the minister I heard? Well, first of all, without mincing words...it's a crappy example. Superbowl tickets and McDonalds?? So incredibly materialistic. To use these two things to try and represent how we become faithful once we come to God is, to me, rather strange. The example might work, figuratively speaking...but this example seems to convey that when we desire to gratify ourselves with materialistic things, we lose! God is not going to HELP us appeal to our flesh so that we can be glad we stayed in the line, and claimed a prize that is strictly to satisfy us. Now there's nothing wrong with Superbowl tickets and there's nothing wrong with McDonalds...but this example seems to have more to do with our own sense of self control, or perhaps a lack thereof, rather than trusting God to help us wade through rough waters.
So, while I don't care for the division of old and new, I see it like this: Old Covenant believers. Went through the process of suffering understanding that it was inevitable, and knowing also that it was necessary to the process. Biblical believers under the New Covenant believed this as well...but today, especially in our western culture...we have a sense of entitlement. We want things instantaneously. We believe suffering for Christ is getting in a argument with someone at church, and we often put our heavenly Father on time limit: we think that a certain "process" designed to help us mature should not take more than a month, at most. And when it does take more than a month, we plead with God that he remove it change it, make it better, make it different, and we live in fear that the Enemy is messing with our lives, or that God is angry with something we've done. At least I know, this is what happens to me. So, I also offer this: our works alone will do nothing for us as far as being close to Yeshua, as long as we remain a non-believer; but...(deep breath), salvation ALONE is NOT enough for one to CULTIVATE a RELATIONSHIP with our Heavenly Father.
Oh boy... I can hear the gasps and feel the tension...as though I've just committed the worst sort of blasphemy. What I'm saying is, becoming "saved" only OPENS the door between us and God. But will we walk through? Will we draw near to him? Will we SEEK his face day by day?. I think the "undercurrent" of most evangelical Christianity is that we CAN'T do this because it's by God's grace alone. So we "back off" almost as if God will be offended if we presume TO trust him. We think we're not "letting him have the reins," so to speak, and slowly, the emphasis becomes on what WE are doing or not doing, rather than what God is up to. The "angle" of God's grace or nothing that so many of us hear pastors chanting like parrots (God bless them!) can cause many us to be scared to death of the Old Covenant LAW, because we think of hundreds of commandments in addition to the original ten, we think of blood sacrifices (so far removed from us), we think of mandates for worship impossible to keep. Now, granted, who would want to go through all that? Who could go through all that?
A couple days ago I came across an article that's about 12 years old now. It was about Dr. Laura Schlessenger having denounced Judaism. This shocked me because, for a while...a LONG while...she was so heavily into it. She taught a series on The Ten Commandments that I will never forget because she addressed the importance of things like choosing to be committed to (the Sabbath) for example because that's an act of discipline that helps us connect with God (or something to that affect). I remember thinking, "This would be way too hard for me to do, but I have so much respect for her, having the guts to do that." Well, apparently, it was too much work for her as well. Dr. Laura said she did not feel a connection with God. Wow. She's right ya know... It is too much work: that is, following all the commandments and doing it perfectly. No one can, and no one knows that better than someone who's tried! But I'd imagine, it would NOT give one a closer connection with God...if they'd never MET him to begin with. To me, this is what the initial ACT of "getting saved" means. You hear of God's plan of salvation, you pray and ask him into your heart, and the door has now been opened: You meet with God (so to speak) and there is an awareness that your sins are forgiven. Yes!! As many Christians will tell you, there is now a "party" in Heaven because your sins have been forgiven. But this does not mean hat we KNOW God (certainly not on any intimate level) and it doesn't mean that we've allowed God to get to know US either.
I know, for a long time, I'd never even heard that second part. Never did I think it was necessary for God to "know" me, because God KNOWS everything, right? So, right under my nose, all my "effort" went into knowing HIM. again, the focus was actually on ME rather than God, but I did not realize this. In my head, it was based on Christ's original "death on the cross.". Which is what I was taught, and this is correct...But what did God getting to know ME have to with it? Oh dear oh dear...I've been walking right over the very thing that I was telling other people they needed to have with Jesus...a relationship! Think about it: I NEED to know Jesus because if I don't I'll burn in Hell for all eternity.". Does this sound like a relationship to you?? It sounds like a scare tactic to me! Yet, isn't this what we tell people in church (basically)? We say this WHILLE we're also telling people that salvation is a CHOICE they make. I'm sorry...come again?? So, it's a choice, but I have no choice?? Okay, which one sounds easier?: Swallowing that or attempting to follow the Ten Commandments?? Yikes!
But in our culture, we are made to believe that anything outside of accepting Christ's death on the cross is legalism, and right away, we think "Old Testament"... "Old Covenant.". Not necessary anymore because Jesus's death "cancelled it out," right? I've heard pastors say this, haven't you? But consider this: Jesus Christ was Jewish, so was Paul, so were all of his disciples. All these men followed the "savior" or the Messiah, right? I mean, that's WHY they followed him...they believed he was who he said he was...well, he said, he was the Son of God. We (Christians) tell people that Jesus is the Savior, right? That's the whole point to them becoming believers, right? Abraham was known as a "friend" of God and Enoch was known as a "righteous" man because he "walked" with God. Do you think either of these men had such a description because they merely walked an isle and prayed a prayer? Do you think walking an isle and praying a prayer was enough when Jesus told his disciples to abandon everything they had and follow him? I don't think so! So what did they have? For one thing they had the stories of the Old Covenant saints handed down. Now scripture was "in process" as far as being recorded at this time... They could not just pick up their Bible, as we can today, but the stories of "old" were handed down. As the woman at the well said: "Our forefather(Jacob) worshipped here.". She was at Jacob's Well, remember? So what does Jesus tell her: "You worship you know not what; for salvation is of the Jews.". There it is. See it? I mean, how can the Old Covenant be irrelevant when it's connected to the New? How can the New Covenant be irrelevant when it's connected to the Old? Now, I would guess that if you asked any Evangelical pastor today, they would tell you that the Old Covenant is not irrelevant, it's part of God's word. Agreed. But the Old Covenant should not (in my opinion) be something that we just "skim" over because it really does not apply to us today.
But it's more than that. Only recently, have I begun to view scripture from a "Jewish" perspective. Is this odd for me? Yes, because I'm not Jewish. However, my Lord, my savior, my Messiah...the entire reason the whole Bible was WRITTEN...He was/is Jewish. The New Testament was written in the Greek. The Greek culture is largely based on thinking and head knowledge, philosophy, myths, etc. The Old Testament was written in Hebrew. The Hebrew culture is based on "learn by doing.". It's action oriented. In other words, "show me how.". Hmmm... so, when we Evangelicals, "evangelize" to people, we're sharing information about Christ and then using scripture (I hope) to back it up, right? Great! But then what do they do with it after that? Now granted, we cannot follow people around, and spoon feed them once we've witnessed to them. But I will quote Mr. Holland's Opus: "I don't know what you're doing with the knowledge, Mr. Holland, but as a compass, you're stuck."
I do not write this, to say that everyone should do what I do. It's a personal choice. I just know that, for me, somewhere along the way, I got stuck. I got stuck, and spiritually, I became "dried up.". I knew I was missing something but could not figure out what it was. Wasn't Jesus enough? Yes. So why was I just going through the motions with a list in my head of all the right things to do? (Go to church, read your Bible, pray)...isn't this what I'd wanted to prevent? Yes. So why had I come to a place where I was DOING all the right things and seemed to be getting nowhere? All I know is, at some point, I stopped growing. The truth I had is still true...but I wasn't moving anywhere with it. Question: Who can truly RELATE to Jesus's death on the cross? I really can't. I'm not saying that it did not happen. I'm not saying that it was not payment for our sins. It was. But when it all comes down, my finite mind cannot comprehend it. I CAN however, comprehend Martha being angry with Mary because she would not come and help her cook (why do we fault Martha for this? :)). I can comprehend David saying "Every night, my pillow is wet with tears.". I can comprehend Peter saying that he would never betray Jesus, because I used to believe this about my own life. Experience has taught me otherwise. I can comprehend Mary Magdalene being a friend of Jesus. She was an outcast, so was he...so am I.
But one way or another, all the incomprehensible things done in the Bible, were done by REAL people... The betrayal in the garden, the birth of children, the building of the ark, the Egyptians watching the river turn to blood, the grief at the death of the first born sons, the confusion of watching the magicians turn THEIR rods into serpents, crossing the Red Sea, the building and dismantling of the tabernacle, the scarlet cord that helped hide the spies, A father tying his son on the altar, as a Sacraficial Lamb, a mother hiding her baby in a basket, and sending him away so he would not be put to death, a father, packing up his wife and infant child in the middle of the night, and fleeing, so HIS baby would not be put to death, A commanding General, having one of his best men murdered so he could have his wife, a woman, married to a complete fool getting on her knees and begging for mercy, wondering if her food and wine will appease that same general and his men, a man wrestling with God himself and getting a dislocated hip, a woman getting on her knees in a temple, and weeping bitterly, crying out to God to give her a son, a rebellious man, swallowed and spit out by a whale, another man forcing his donkey down a path that would've killed them both, a coat of many colors destroyed.
A baby born in a stable in Bethlehem, a mother scorned for being pregnant out of wedlock, a man being made mute for not believing a divine visitor, a little boy with a sack lunch, a blind man with clay on his eyes, a paralyzed man at a pool, a woman saved from being stoned to death, a little girl who was only sleeping, a bride who watched a wedding guest turn water into wine, a servant girl who said "I saw you with him,". A traitor who kissed Jesus on the cheek, and whoever put up the words: King of the Jews, a revelation given on the island of Crete. All these things somehow involved people. It would take a relationship, because for all this we need a lifetime to learn. The Old Covenant mirrors the New...and no one-time prayer is sufficient for that. It's walking, everyday, watching our path become narrow and rocky...jagged...sharp. We cling to the promise that He will not let our feet slip. Without it, we're stuck. But who is HE that he can make such a promise...maybe that's the whole point. I write this because I've been trampling on the one thing I know I need...a relationship, with the Lover of My Soul. In this, I am no different than anyone in scripture...broken, bruised, crying on the floor...standing before the King to find out my fate...
What will he say to me? Right choices WILL be rewarded. Wrong ones burned up in the Refiner's Fire...because we have the ability to know. "How will they know, if they do not hear?" right? So, as an Evangelical, I've been "winning" people, telling them just to stand INSIDE the door! This is all that matters. You need go no further, because HE will do the rest. This is SO not true!! We must get into the mess of life and decide to abide in Him, which means "your people shall be my people and your God my God." I cannot take what I like and leave the rest! I must get into the "mess" of serving him because we are bound together with a seal that lasts FOREVER. Do I really want to go all that time just standing at his door!! I'm "in," but I gathered no "oil" to keep my lamp burning. Perhaps I did not want Him to see my mess. I know now, that when I face eternity...that will not do.
Scriptures:
"Wandering in the Wilderness" Numbers 14:20-24
"Self Examination" Leviticus 16:29-30
"Jacob and Esau" Genesis 25:19-34
"Leah and Rachael" Genesis, chapters 29-35
"Seeking his face" 2 Chronicles 7:14
"Abraham, friend Od God" James 2:23 Bible story: Genesis chapters 12-22
"Enoch" Genesis 5:18-24
"The Woman at the Well" John 4:5-42
"Your People Shall be..." Ruth 1:16
Things that helped me:
"Laura Schlessenger Dr. Laura Renounces Jewish Orthodoxy"
By: Lisa Keyes
Rabbi Greg Hershberg: Messianic Judaism 101 Replacement Theology (03/03/2012) YouTube
The Prophecy Club: Rebecca Park Totilo "Ancient Hebrew Wedding Customs" YouTube
"Messianic Judaism" (parts 1-3) Ian May (Nov. 6, 2012) YouTube
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Backwards/Forwards
As a kid, I had to be told all the time, "You always start on the RIGHT in math." This is because I would want to do math problems in the same direction I wrote sentences. I would start on the left and add or subtract in the wrong direction. Now, I am not dyslexic...I never have been. But my hand eye coordination needed a lot of help, and my sense of direction, and space... well, I remember, cursive handwriting was very challenging for me because my fine motor skills... were not so "fine tuned.". Sometimes when I would write sentences, I would want to start on the right, instead of the left...and even after I would correct this, many of my letters were backwards...spaced very far apart. They were giant... Like I was attempting to make a BANNER...while I was really drunk. Sometimes, my teacher would take my hand in hers and help me structure the letters...precise strokes...within the lines... I remember those handwriting exercises:
The same letter, in a straight line across the page...all the way to the end.
I needed them, because my writing was usually at a slant, with my letters looking more like puzzle pieces, or giant chicken scratches. It was almost as if my brain wanted to work the other way, and I had to train it not to. Weird. But, so I am. A learning disability made it take a bit longer to stay on the straight and narrow, you could say. But, happily, I've overcome well. My handwriting today is pretty and straight and thankfully, very legible!
Imagine my surprise when I learned that the Hebrew language is written, and read, from right to left! On this crazy faith journey, I've been learning so much about the Jewish roots of the man Yeshua, whom I claim to believe is my Messiah. But what have I really known about his actual life, or the way he lived? Not much...considering I've been too busy focussing on his DEATH and what that's done for ME. Ironic. Talk about the writing being on the wall!! What's more...I could not read a word of it. I mean, why would an American, Evangelical Christian girl like me who's never been to seminary learn any Hebrew?
But my point is, that suddenly, something I'd done almost instinctively...was right. Now I can only type English words here (I'm sure there is a way to change that, but I still need to learn how to do this), but I've begun to learn several Hebrew letters now, and when I read and write them...guess what I get to do? Go. BACKWARDS! And guess what? It's not wrong...it's RIGHT! It's CORRECT!! And guess what the letters remind me of? Puzzle pieces...and giant chicken scratches! (Hey, each Hebrew letter paints a picture!). So, as a child I wrote huge, backwards letters that no one could read (except me and God). These letters needed to be corrected. Now, as an adult, I'm looking at, and learning huge, backwards letters no one (around me) can read...except God! These letters are RIGHT! These letters do not need to be corrected. God, (and other people who speak Hebrew) knows EXACTLY what they say! He just needs to teach me. As a child, this is how I felt about my own writing: I (and God) could read and understand it perfectly...I just needed to teach others what it said.
Now, let me be rightly understood. I am talking about an emotional connection with the person I claim is my savior. This is a "connection" that He was working out long before I ever...TOOK AN INTEREST IN HEBREW?? I told you: Why would an American, Evangelical, Christian girl, who's never been to seminary AND who is not JEWISH...take an interest in Hebrew?? Now, whenever I see any Hebrew letters, and I wonder what they say :), or I see my old school papers and I KNOW what they say, I'll understand! This is Jesus, showing me HIMSELF, literally on paper, in HIS language! But he BEGAN with my own...the chicken scratches that only he could read when I was a kid. He has now connected that to his own writing...and it's his way of showing me (emotionally): "I love You. You Belong to Me. We are CONNECTED to each other in life...not just in a bloody death that is nearly impossible for you to comprehend. All I can say is: Ladies and gentleman, let the evidence speak for itself: Jesus is real.
Okay; here's my "disclaimer" if you will:
I was never actually drunk as a child :) (duh) That's a metaphor.
The Hebrew language is not backwards and neither is English.
They just go in different directions. :)
Hebrew writing is not slanted...my writing as a kid was.
Hebrew writing is not chicken scratches, but many of the "jots" and other marks
of this visual language can resemble scratches or scribbles...and so did my writing as a kid.
When I say, "He began with my language". I simply mean he showed me something I was able
to understand emotionally.
I'm not saying anything lofty, as though something needed to be
"interpreted". I'm no scribe or Pharisee, just a girl talking about an experience. :)
The same letter, in a straight line across the page...all the way to the end.
I needed them, because my writing was usually at a slant, with my letters looking more like puzzle pieces, or giant chicken scratches. It was almost as if my brain wanted to work the other way, and I had to train it not to. Weird. But, so I am. A learning disability made it take a bit longer to stay on the straight and narrow, you could say. But, happily, I've overcome well. My handwriting today is pretty and straight and thankfully, very legible!
Imagine my surprise when I learned that the Hebrew language is written, and read, from right to left! On this crazy faith journey, I've been learning so much about the Jewish roots of the man Yeshua, whom I claim to believe is my Messiah. But what have I really known about his actual life, or the way he lived? Not much...considering I've been too busy focussing on his DEATH and what that's done for ME. Ironic. Talk about the writing being on the wall!! What's more...I could not read a word of it. I mean, why would an American, Evangelical Christian girl like me who's never been to seminary learn any Hebrew?
But my point is, that suddenly, something I'd done almost instinctively...was right. Now I can only type English words here (I'm sure there is a way to change that, but I still need to learn how to do this), but I've begun to learn several Hebrew letters now, and when I read and write them...guess what I get to do? Go. BACKWARDS! And guess what? It's not wrong...it's RIGHT! It's CORRECT!! And guess what the letters remind me of? Puzzle pieces...and giant chicken scratches! (Hey, each Hebrew letter paints a picture!). So, as a child I wrote huge, backwards letters that no one could read (except me and God). These letters needed to be corrected. Now, as an adult, I'm looking at, and learning huge, backwards letters no one (around me) can read...except God! These letters are RIGHT! These letters do not need to be corrected. God, (and other people who speak Hebrew) knows EXACTLY what they say! He just needs to teach me. As a child, this is how I felt about my own writing: I (and God) could read and understand it perfectly...I just needed to teach others what it said.
Now, let me be rightly understood. I am talking about an emotional connection with the person I claim is my savior. This is a "connection" that He was working out long before I ever...TOOK AN INTEREST IN HEBREW?? I told you: Why would an American, Evangelical, Christian girl, who's never been to seminary AND who is not JEWISH...take an interest in Hebrew?? Now, whenever I see any Hebrew letters, and I wonder what they say :), or I see my old school papers and I KNOW what they say, I'll understand! This is Jesus, showing me HIMSELF, literally on paper, in HIS language! But he BEGAN with my own...the chicken scratches that only he could read when I was a kid. He has now connected that to his own writing...and it's his way of showing me (emotionally): "I love You. You Belong to Me. We are CONNECTED to each other in life...not just in a bloody death that is nearly impossible for you to comprehend. All I can say is: Ladies and gentleman, let the evidence speak for itself: Jesus is real.
Okay; here's my "disclaimer" if you will:
I was never actually drunk as a child :) (duh) That's a metaphor.
The Hebrew language is not backwards and neither is English.
They just go in different directions. :)
Hebrew writing is not slanted...my writing as a kid was.
Hebrew writing is not chicken scratches, but many of the "jots" and other marks
of this visual language can resemble scratches or scribbles...and so did my writing as a kid.
When I say, "He began with my language". I simply mean he showed me something I was able
to understand emotionally.
I'm not saying anything lofty, as though something needed to be
"interpreted". I'm no scribe or Pharisee, just a girl talking about an experience. :)
Monday, March 16, 2015
By The Way, Whatever Happened With the Rabbi?
BTW...what happened with the Rabbi? I wrote a post a couple days ago saying that I'd listened to this amazing rabbi for about 2 hours, talking about how the Old Testament is not nearly as legalistic as people think. Well, he brought up many many AWESOME points, only to say, in about the last ten minutes of the message, the he "really doesn't believe that Yeshua is the Messiah."
My heart dropped. All of the sudden, it seemed as though all the progress I thought I was making was sorta "Cancelled out.". I thought this man was making all these in depth points about the commands of the Old Covenent and who Jesus was, because he KNEW Jesus as his savior... Not because he did not. Anyway, his name is Nehemiah Gordon, and I believe I will continue to listen to his wisdom, and just keep praying that soon, he would be convicted himself that he needs to bow the knee himself. He's an incredibly smart person, and sometimes, head knowledge can get in the way of the simple things, right?
So, I made my first "tent" on the last Shabbat! Now, this is an idea I got from Rabbi Mark Biltz at El Shaddai Church up in WA state. He spoke once about the Israelites living in tents in the wilderness, and building and taking down the tabernacle, with specific instructions from the Lord. I know not whether anything is said in the Old Covenant about us making any tents today, but pastor Biltz said that doing so, could be an interesting way of knowing intimacy with God and doing something that is set aside for Him alone. Thanks to Aleph Beta emails, I'm learning that this is what "Shabbat" is: it's "making a space that is for God alone, and setting aside specific things that we do only for Him...and then we "save" what is only fo Him until we enter into that intimacy again. Gee, this is a far cry from what I've believed about God: Everything belongs to Him , so it doesn't matter whether we keep Sabbath or not AND, anyway, I'm not Jewish, so it doesn't apply to ME, right?
Going to church on Sunday? Well, this is wonderful, but (ready?): It's not enough and it sorta misses the mark.
(GASP!!!). Wait a minute!! We don't have to ' hit the mark," that's why Jesus DIED in the first place, right?? Yes. But here's the thing: Sunday church has become a social club and a status symbol for me. Yep, it has. It's a chance for me to wear my Niners jacket during football season and stand around and act like I actually know about football. It's coffee and doughnuts. It's staring at empty sign up sheets and WISHING I could do more to help. It's feeling like a big dope because I've been working on the same scarf for 4 months while the KIDS are trying to show me how to do 20 other things. It's looking for people to socialize with afterwards and wanting to hurry out of there so we can go to lunch! It's bringing a potato salad to a potluck and taking most of it home because it barely got eaten. It's trying DESPERATELY to remember that my "focus" here, needs to be on the LORD, and NOT on the lanky, blue eye'd guy I've been nuts about for years, who wants nothing to do with me. It's pretending I don't wanna just cry my eyes out when someone looks me right in the eye, and calls me by the name of a friend I miss very much who moved away. It's acting like I did NOT just hear the whispered conversation about "getting to know" another girl because the people that had it didn't have enough sensitivity to at least GO OUTSIDE first!! Time out.
WHERE IS MY SAVIOR IN ALL OF THAT??
Didn't I just hear it in another sermon: It's all about having a relationship with HIM?? Well then, Lord, PLEASE FORGIVE ME because I ran off and just left you behind! (But hey, as long as I'm not left behind when He suddenly "raptures" us outta here, right? I've got my "seat" on that bus because, my "ticket" has been paid for with His blood...and hey, EVERY day should belong to Him anyway, right?? So, just WHO am I getting to "know" here?? Isn't that the "yard stick" we're supposed to be measuring everything with? Well, I am a LAZY Christian you guys, because I keep counting everything that does NOT matter, and saying "oh Goody!! Less work for me!". All my spiritual discipline has gone down the drain, and I feel like I ought to be ashamed of myself.
My heart dropped. All of the sudden, it seemed as though all the progress I thought I was making was sorta "Cancelled out.". I thought this man was making all these in depth points about the commands of the Old Covenent and who Jesus was, because he KNEW Jesus as his savior... Not because he did not. Anyway, his name is Nehemiah Gordon, and I believe I will continue to listen to his wisdom, and just keep praying that soon, he would be convicted himself that he needs to bow the knee himself. He's an incredibly smart person, and sometimes, head knowledge can get in the way of the simple things, right?
So, I made my first "tent" on the last Shabbat! Now, this is an idea I got from Rabbi Mark Biltz at El Shaddai Church up in WA state. He spoke once about the Israelites living in tents in the wilderness, and building and taking down the tabernacle, with specific instructions from the Lord. I know not whether anything is said in the Old Covenant about us making any tents today, but pastor Biltz said that doing so, could be an interesting way of knowing intimacy with God and doing something that is set aside for Him alone. Thanks to Aleph Beta emails, I'm learning that this is what "Shabbat" is: it's "making a space that is for God alone, and setting aside specific things that we do only for Him...and then we "save" what is only fo Him until we enter into that intimacy again. Gee, this is a far cry from what I've believed about God: Everything belongs to Him , so it doesn't matter whether we keep Sabbath or not AND, anyway, I'm not Jewish, so it doesn't apply to ME, right?
Going to church on Sunday? Well, this is wonderful, but (ready?): It's not enough and it sorta misses the mark.
(GASP!!!). Wait a minute!! We don't have to ' hit the mark," that's why Jesus DIED in the first place, right?? Yes. But here's the thing: Sunday church has become a social club and a status symbol for me. Yep, it has. It's a chance for me to wear my Niners jacket during football season and stand around and act like I actually know about football. It's coffee and doughnuts. It's staring at empty sign up sheets and WISHING I could do more to help. It's feeling like a big dope because I've been working on the same scarf for 4 months while the KIDS are trying to show me how to do 20 other things. It's looking for people to socialize with afterwards and wanting to hurry out of there so we can go to lunch! It's bringing a potato salad to a potluck and taking most of it home because it barely got eaten. It's trying DESPERATELY to remember that my "focus" here, needs to be on the LORD, and NOT on the lanky, blue eye'd guy I've been nuts about for years, who wants nothing to do with me. It's pretending I don't wanna just cry my eyes out when someone looks me right in the eye, and calls me by the name of a friend I miss very much who moved away. It's acting like I did NOT just hear the whispered conversation about "getting to know" another girl because the people that had it didn't have enough sensitivity to at least GO OUTSIDE first!! Time out.
WHERE IS MY SAVIOR IN ALL OF THAT??
Didn't I just hear it in another sermon: It's all about having a relationship with HIM?? Well then, Lord, PLEASE FORGIVE ME because I ran off and just left you behind! (But hey, as long as I'm not left behind when He suddenly "raptures" us outta here, right? I've got my "seat" on that bus because, my "ticket" has been paid for with His blood...and hey, EVERY day should belong to Him anyway, right?? So, just WHO am I getting to "know" here?? Isn't that the "yard stick" we're supposed to be measuring everything with? Well, I am a LAZY Christian you guys, because I keep counting everything that does NOT matter, and saying "oh Goody!! Less work for me!". All my spiritual discipline has gone down the drain, and I feel like I ought to be ashamed of myself.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Not Perfect....
"Do what you can."
This is what I heard the pastor say. He was referring to the Torah. I was relieved, because up until now, I believed that when it came to Old Covenant Law, there is no such thing as "doing what you can.". I'd found a Messianic radio station online, and though I never heard the pastor's name, his sermons were being played all day on this Shabbat Saturday.
This teacher also said that, if we don't have a farm (for example) then those (mandates) don't apply to us. This was also something that came as a shock to me. I thought that each instruction in the Torah was meant for all of God's people, to be followed perfectly because Christ had not yet come and paid the penalty for our wrong-doing. But I've been thinking: what happened to people back in Biblical days when THEY did not perfectly keep the Torah? They were imperfect human beings just like we are, right? So it's impossible that they would've NEVER made any mistakes. Did they just drop dead on the spot? Were they suddenly struck by lightning?. No... But when I would imagine people making mistakes with God's Law...all I could think of was the High Priest going into the Holy of Holies. If he did not do precisely what God instructed him to do in order to protect himself and present himself correctly, the Presence of Jehova, the Living God would just burn him up (basically) :). So the emotional feeling I got was that I needed to approach God, sort of, hiding behind Jesus.
For the first time, I now want to dig in to the Torah, and see what I CAN do for God. What is within my reach? How can I show Him I love him? It's as though I've been given "permission" to reach out to HIM...to RESPOND to him...to PLEASE him through making right choices...because I know I CAN...not because because I believe I have no other choice. Gee, so the TORAH and the TANAK (the entire Old Covenant) SHOWS me how to have a relationship with Yeshua?? Really?? Isn't this what I've been TELLING people they need to have since I was 15?? Hello!!
This is what I heard the pastor say. He was referring to the Torah. I was relieved, because up until now, I believed that when it came to Old Covenant Law, there is no such thing as "doing what you can.". I'd found a Messianic radio station online, and though I never heard the pastor's name, his sermons were being played all day on this Shabbat Saturday.
This teacher also said that, if we don't have a farm (for example) then those (mandates) don't apply to us. This was also something that came as a shock to me. I thought that each instruction in the Torah was meant for all of God's people, to be followed perfectly because Christ had not yet come and paid the penalty for our wrong-doing. But I've been thinking: what happened to people back in Biblical days when THEY did not perfectly keep the Torah? They were imperfect human beings just like we are, right? So it's impossible that they would've NEVER made any mistakes. Did they just drop dead on the spot? Were they suddenly struck by lightning?. No... But when I would imagine people making mistakes with God's Law...all I could think of was the High Priest going into the Holy of Holies. If he did not do precisely what God instructed him to do in order to protect himself and present himself correctly, the Presence of Jehova, the Living God would just burn him up (basically) :). So the emotional feeling I got was that I needed to approach God, sort of, hiding behind Jesus.
For the first time, I now want to dig in to the Torah, and see what I CAN do for God. What is within my reach? How can I show Him I love him? It's as though I've been given "permission" to reach out to HIM...to RESPOND to him...to PLEASE him through making right choices...because I know I CAN...not because because I believe I have no other choice. Gee, so the TORAH and the TANAK (the entire Old Covenant) SHOWS me how to have a relationship with Yeshua?? Really?? Isn't this what I've been TELLING people they need to have since I was 15?? Hello!!
Friday, March 13, 2015
The Great Divide...
I listened to a two hour YouTube video yesterday by this Rabbi in Israel. He lives there...but I believe he moved there from the US because he has an American accent. (I'll have to check on that). Anyway, his name won't come to me right now, but the mission of his teaching seems to be to prove that the Old Testament (as Jesus meant it) was not nearly as legalistic as it's generally portrayed to be.
I thought: "You have my attention."
See, that's the whole reason I'm on this journey. Now, I have never been taught that the Old Testament did not apply to scripture as a whole, of course it does, it accounts for more than half the Bible. But the thing is, when one reads the Old Covenant, and you get into, say, Leviticus or Numbers... You have, what seems to Western culture, like complete and total misery (and many many rules that would be just way too hard for anyone to keep up with.). There's adult circumcision (yikes!), there's instructions for dissecting animals as blood offerings. There's measurements...lots of them! Measurements for each part of the tabernacle, measurements that put perimeters around where the people could and could not go, measurements for ingredients, etc. etc. So, How do any of these things apply today?". This is what I"m trying to find cut. The rabbi gave a more outlandish example, and then explained it:
"You shall not boil a kid in it's mother's milk."
Again, Yikes! I think many people are quite insulted by instructions like this. Furthermore, why would anyone NEED to be instructed about such a thing? Also: Why would anyone want to worship such a God as this?? Now, God (Yahweh) is not saying that HE does these things...he's instructing his people not to do this. But I think most people (Whether saved or unsaved), absolutely cringe and wonder why in the world anyone would need such an instruction. The truth is this: Circumcision (whether adult or child), blood sacrifices, and instructions for offering them, dividing tribes into camps and having them wander in the wilderness, while eating a strange white...(something) that comes down from the sky, and some of it spoils and stinks. All of this SOUNDS incredibly twisted and demonic.
But this is God: God, whose love is perfect and everlasting. Right? God...whose perfect will is to redeem humanity. Right? This is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, who promised Abraham that his descendants would be more than the stars in the sky. Right? Yes! Logical question: Who would want to worship a God like this? Right? I mean, seriously! I think, even a lot of born again CHRISTIANS want to ask this, though they may not EVER admit it. I heard pastor Andy Stanley once put it this way. He said:
"You don't want what's fair (because) fair is, you sin... You're out; because God is that holy."
Let's face it, we are taught that the GOD, the FATHER of the Old Testament...is untouchable. (Right)? For example, when Moses finally came down from the mountain, where he went to learn the Torah (in a sense) and brought back the SECOND set of stone tablets, YHWH, wanted to address the people as a whole, and they were so frightened of his thundering voice, saying: "Speak to Moses! Don't speak to us!". Wow. How CAN we worship such a God as this? Well, enter the born-again Christians who say that this is why the world needs Jesus. (!!!) :). He's the Answer. He has "bridged the gap," so to speak. He came to "save" the world from the sin that God could not tolerate. He has a name that people can pronounce. :) (YHWH is not pronounceable). I mean, when the very name of the God you worship is so holy that it's not to be uttered? (...). Anyway, back to the example the rabbi gave...
First, I hope you know that in this case, "kid" means a baby goat...it does not mean, one of our children. Yahweh warned the Israelites that in the land there would be people worshipping false gods and practicing things that Yahweh was absolutely against. Some of these were Babylonian fertility sacrifices that involved boiling the "kid" in it's Momma's milk. Now, this SHOULD make you cringe! The above instruction was God telling his children: This is one thing that you will see done when you enter the land I'm taking you to. Do not do it; it's not okay!
He knew that his people could and WOULD worship false gods because they had worshipped the golden calf. Now, as a child, I read this "Bible story" and thought that Moses was "called" (which he was), he went up the mountain, he grabbed the two tablets from God, he went back down the mountain and (GASP!!!). These people were suddenly worshiping this gold...cow! First of all, this seems absolutely ridiculous because wouldn't they have had enough sense not to worship an animal?? Secondly, Moses came right back, didn't he?? I mean, couldn't they have waited? No he didn't. Moses was on the mountain with God for over a month! Did you know that? For most of my short, Christian life, I did not know this. However, when I learned this (sometime in my twenties), I was shocked! For the first time, I said, no wonder they worshipped (something else)!
For the first time I was able to empathize with a group of people I had always considered stupid. I mean, what they did seemed stupid to me. Even after I became saved, I thought I had it goin' on because I "knew Jesus.". The Israelites didn't! Now he had not gone to the cross yet (let's be fair)...but, my next thought would always be: Well, if they had just LISTENED to God! I would read the account of Abram and Sarai the same way: "Well, if they had just listened to God! Why did they have to make all that trouble? Didn't they know God would do what he said?". Folks, you'll have to forgive me, I'm an amateur at this. But I think that's my whole point! What developed in me was (I know now) a sort of "conceit" that I did not even know was there (Hey, I was a 15 year old kid) but over the years, this belief that I had found the right answer (Jesus), really did turn into laziness...
The short version is, that I thought anything outside of "asking" Jesus into my heart was legalism, and therefore it wasn't necessary...in FACT...it was offensive to God (I thought)! There was NOTHING I could do for God! And this was GOOD, because who wanted to do all that work anyway?? Jesus's death was the key!: He made it possible so we wouldn't have to! Now, I went to a very well known, non-denominational church that taught all the way through the Bible, verse by verse. Yes, they did and do today; although, I've reached a point where it seems weird to say this because there is A LOT of the scriptures I know NOTHING about. But I've attended this church for 20 years, so if they teach through the Bible, verse by verse, and I've attended that long, then why were/are their so many "gaps" in what I believed? They were gaps that (for a long time) I did not even know were there.
Now, there have always been certain things about my faith that have been ALWAYS true:
1. There is one God, in three persons (father, son and Holy Spirit).
2. Salvation is by God's grace alone; I can do nothing to earn it.
3. If we accept Jesus Christ as our own personal savor, we will spend eternity wit Him in paradise.
4. If we do NOT accept him as savior, we will spend eternity separated from Him.
So basically, this is (I hate to say it), the "box" I put my savior in...in the name of knowing Him personally. I'd like to add that my (sort of) "mantra" became:
"It's about a relationship with Jesus!"
Hmmmm, so what sort of a "relationship" did I have with the SON of the Living God? Basically, it was those four points up there. These were the "ducks" I got in a "row" WHILE I was proclaiming with my mouth that nobody COULD get all their ducks in a row...that's WHY we need Jesus. Ummm, come again? Oh, yeah, and there's a couple more, maybe 3 "ducks" I'd like to add to the ones I've already "lined up" there...
1. Faith without works is "dead."
2. But NOW we WANT to do those works because Christ is in us,
rather than earning our way to Heaven.
3. We are saved by GRACE, and God works all things
together for the good of those who love Him.
Okay, now I won't say that there is no truth up there (in the 7 "ducks" I have in a row)...there is. But the thing is... SO WHAT?? AND?? What do I DO with that?? Wow. What WAS I doing with this TRUTH I claimed I had? I can tell you exactly... I started out high as a kite, sorta like you do when you're in a romantic relationship. And why not?? Something absolutely was CHANGED. I was NOT the same...and I knew it. Jesus HAD come in, and I was clean and forgiven...and I knew it. I felt it, I sensed it...I began to DESIRE to do things differently than I had before. I had sensitivities to things I had not had before. I began to be ATTRACTED to things which are/were attractive to Christ, or (you could say), the character of Christ. It was my joy now, to eliminate things from my life the were/are in contrast to what is pleasing to Christ. Yes, this ALL happened to me...just like people tell you when they "witness" to you, and they ask you if you want to "receive" Jesus. It's all real. It's all true. That's (part of) my story and I'm stickin' to it!
So, what happened? Well. Over time, I realized (first of all, that there ARE a lot of inconsistencies up there in those ducks I'd slowly put in a row...
First of all, "Faith without works is dead.". Now, this is TRUE. The Bible says this, but I've come to find that I as a Christian, became a pro at saying: "The Bible says" (whatever) and then applying it... Yes. But there's still something missing. Don't we tell people that there is nothing we can do to "earn" salvation? Of course we do. And this is also true. We cannot "earn" salvation, but once we are given that gift, what do we DO with our (now) changed hearts...walking it daily? See, the weird thing is, I understood these things...they were not foreign to me. Jesus Christ changes us day by day, and we grow and mature in him. I KNEW this. I could feel it in me. Still something seemed to just "fizzle out."
Wow, just what WAS missing? All I can say is, I started to "stagnate.". I could feel myself going "backwards, and it was like my "growth" was being stunted...even though, in my heart of hearts, I was doing what I needed to do to be "fed" and to "feed" his sheep. After a while, it seemed like I just heard the same thing over and over again: It's all about having a relationship with Jesus. Yes...AND?? In other words...(I know now), it seemed that the "angle" that I'd learned to place on my faith, was actually rather "crooked.". The lens, through which I was "magnifying" my faith, seemed to be "cracked" somehow.
I still have SO much to say about this, but I'm getting tired, so it will need to wait for another entry. But I will just say this: relationships are. WORK...are they not? Of course! So, speaking reasonably, a relationship with Jesus where there is true devotion...will be WORK...will it not? Of course! So let's get on to the work we are now required to do for Him. (yes, LET's...hurry!!). Wait...what'd ya say: that we're not REQUIRED TO do any work for him? All we need do is ask? Really? Well, how does that jive with the fact that we become bondservants, or "slaves" to Christ when we ARE saved?? Listen, SLAVES WORK...they WORK HARD...AND they often do it methodically and systematically because they are "bound" to the task at hand until it's finished. It's called "discipline" I believe...and we cannot carry out our master's instructions without it. Here's the thing: the only "methods" I find for actually DEVELOPING Biblical discipline...are written in the OLD Covenant. The OLD TESTAMENT...you know the longer, first half of the ENTIRE BIBLE...that most Evangelical churches use to "compliment" their New Covenant verses because (they say) these "legalistic" rules no longer apply to us TODAY? That's interesting because the first Covenant, or agreement has more books in it than the second one. And get this...the second Covenant, or agreement that we seem to lean so heavily on because, it's all about GRACE...it has more "Commands" in it than the Old Covenant! :). But wait, aren't we staying away from "legalism" here?? Yes, we are, and in doing so, I think we're wiping out most of our discipline...and we become lazy...at least, I know for a fact, this is what has happened to ME. Maybe it isn't about legalism. Maybe it's like we tell people (born gain Christians): It has nothing to do with work because we can't earn salvation. Correct. Maybe, because of everything our Savior has done for us, it ought to be our PLEASURE to work our butts off in return...because we LOVE him...because we ADORE what he's done for us. MAYBE, he wishes for us to work as though we COULD earn salvation DESPITE the fact that it is not NECESSARY, because love shows itself in action. Have you ever been in love with someone and could not WAIT to do everything you could to earn all the favor you could...even though you're perfectly aware that it's not necessary? It'a pleasure to do so, right? Well?...
I thought: "You have my attention."
See, that's the whole reason I'm on this journey. Now, I have never been taught that the Old Testament did not apply to scripture as a whole, of course it does, it accounts for more than half the Bible. But the thing is, when one reads the Old Covenant, and you get into, say, Leviticus or Numbers... You have, what seems to Western culture, like complete and total misery (and many many rules that would be just way too hard for anyone to keep up with.). There's adult circumcision (yikes!), there's instructions for dissecting animals as blood offerings. There's measurements...lots of them! Measurements for each part of the tabernacle, measurements that put perimeters around where the people could and could not go, measurements for ingredients, etc. etc. So, How do any of these things apply today?". This is what I"m trying to find cut. The rabbi gave a more outlandish example, and then explained it:
"You shall not boil a kid in it's mother's milk."
Again, Yikes! I think many people are quite insulted by instructions like this. Furthermore, why would anyone NEED to be instructed about such a thing? Also: Why would anyone want to worship such a God as this?? Now, God (Yahweh) is not saying that HE does these things...he's instructing his people not to do this. But I think most people (Whether saved or unsaved), absolutely cringe and wonder why in the world anyone would need such an instruction. The truth is this: Circumcision (whether adult or child), blood sacrifices, and instructions for offering them, dividing tribes into camps and having them wander in the wilderness, while eating a strange white...(something) that comes down from the sky, and some of it spoils and stinks. All of this SOUNDS incredibly twisted and demonic.
But this is God: God, whose love is perfect and everlasting. Right? God...whose perfect will is to redeem humanity. Right? This is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, who promised Abraham that his descendants would be more than the stars in the sky. Right? Yes! Logical question: Who would want to worship a God like this? Right? I mean, seriously! I think, even a lot of born again CHRISTIANS want to ask this, though they may not EVER admit it. I heard pastor Andy Stanley once put it this way. He said:
"You don't want what's fair (because) fair is, you sin... You're out; because God is that holy."
Let's face it, we are taught that the GOD, the FATHER of the Old Testament...is untouchable. (Right)? For example, when Moses finally came down from the mountain, where he went to learn the Torah (in a sense) and brought back the SECOND set of stone tablets, YHWH, wanted to address the people as a whole, and they were so frightened of his thundering voice, saying: "Speak to Moses! Don't speak to us!". Wow. How CAN we worship such a God as this? Well, enter the born-again Christians who say that this is why the world needs Jesus. (!!!) :). He's the Answer. He has "bridged the gap," so to speak. He came to "save" the world from the sin that God could not tolerate. He has a name that people can pronounce. :) (YHWH is not pronounceable). I mean, when the very name of the God you worship is so holy that it's not to be uttered? (...). Anyway, back to the example the rabbi gave...
First, I hope you know that in this case, "kid" means a baby goat...it does not mean, one of our children. Yahweh warned the Israelites that in the land there would be people worshipping false gods and practicing things that Yahweh was absolutely against. Some of these were Babylonian fertility sacrifices that involved boiling the "kid" in it's Momma's milk. Now, this SHOULD make you cringe! The above instruction was God telling his children: This is one thing that you will see done when you enter the land I'm taking you to. Do not do it; it's not okay!
He knew that his people could and WOULD worship false gods because they had worshipped the golden calf. Now, as a child, I read this "Bible story" and thought that Moses was "called" (which he was), he went up the mountain, he grabbed the two tablets from God, he went back down the mountain and (GASP!!!). These people were suddenly worshiping this gold...cow! First of all, this seems absolutely ridiculous because wouldn't they have had enough sense not to worship an animal?? Secondly, Moses came right back, didn't he?? I mean, couldn't they have waited? No he didn't. Moses was on the mountain with God for over a month! Did you know that? For most of my short, Christian life, I did not know this. However, when I learned this (sometime in my twenties), I was shocked! For the first time, I said, no wonder they worshipped (something else)!
For the first time I was able to empathize with a group of people I had always considered stupid. I mean, what they did seemed stupid to me. Even after I became saved, I thought I had it goin' on because I "knew Jesus.". The Israelites didn't! Now he had not gone to the cross yet (let's be fair)...but, my next thought would always be: Well, if they had just LISTENED to God! I would read the account of Abram and Sarai the same way: "Well, if they had just listened to God! Why did they have to make all that trouble? Didn't they know God would do what he said?". Folks, you'll have to forgive me, I'm an amateur at this. But I think that's my whole point! What developed in me was (I know now) a sort of "conceit" that I did not even know was there (Hey, I was a 15 year old kid) but over the years, this belief that I had found the right answer (Jesus), really did turn into laziness...
The short version is, that I thought anything outside of "asking" Jesus into my heart was legalism, and therefore it wasn't necessary...in FACT...it was offensive to God (I thought)! There was NOTHING I could do for God! And this was GOOD, because who wanted to do all that work anyway?? Jesus's death was the key!: He made it possible so we wouldn't have to! Now, I went to a very well known, non-denominational church that taught all the way through the Bible, verse by verse. Yes, they did and do today; although, I've reached a point where it seems weird to say this because there is A LOT of the scriptures I know NOTHING about. But I've attended this church for 20 years, so if they teach through the Bible, verse by verse, and I've attended that long, then why were/are their so many "gaps" in what I believed? They were gaps that (for a long time) I did not even know were there.
Now, there have always been certain things about my faith that have been ALWAYS true:
1. There is one God, in three persons (father, son and Holy Spirit).
2. Salvation is by God's grace alone; I can do nothing to earn it.
3. If we accept Jesus Christ as our own personal savor, we will spend eternity wit Him in paradise.
4. If we do NOT accept him as savior, we will spend eternity separated from Him.
So basically, this is (I hate to say it), the "box" I put my savior in...in the name of knowing Him personally. I'd like to add that my (sort of) "mantra" became:
"It's about a relationship with Jesus!"
Hmmmm, so what sort of a "relationship" did I have with the SON of the Living God? Basically, it was those four points up there. These were the "ducks" I got in a "row" WHILE I was proclaiming with my mouth that nobody COULD get all their ducks in a row...that's WHY we need Jesus. Ummm, come again? Oh, yeah, and there's a couple more, maybe 3 "ducks" I'd like to add to the ones I've already "lined up" there...
1. Faith without works is "dead."
2. But NOW we WANT to do those works because Christ is in us,
rather than earning our way to Heaven.
3. We are saved by GRACE, and God works all things
together for the good of those who love Him.
Okay, now I won't say that there is no truth up there (in the 7 "ducks" I have in a row)...there is. But the thing is... SO WHAT?? AND?? What do I DO with that?? Wow. What WAS I doing with this TRUTH I claimed I had? I can tell you exactly... I started out high as a kite, sorta like you do when you're in a romantic relationship. And why not?? Something absolutely was CHANGED. I was NOT the same...and I knew it. Jesus HAD come in, and I was clean and forgiven...and I knew it. I felt it, I sensed it...I began to DESIRE to do things differently than I had before. I had sensitivities to things I had not had before. I began to be ATTRACTED to things which are/were attractive to Christ, or (you could say), the character of Christ. It was my joy now, to eliminate things from my life the were/are in contrast to what is pleasing to Christ. Yes, this ALL happened to me...just like people tell you when they "witness" to you, and they ask you if you want to "receive" Jesus. It's all real. It's all true. That's (part of) my story and I'm stickin' to it!
So, what happened? Well. Over time, I realized (first of all, that there ARE a lot of inconsistencies up there in those ducks I'd slowly put in a row...
First of all, "Faith without works is dead.". Now, this is TRUE. The Bible says this, but I've come to find that I as a Christian, became a pro at saying: "The Bible says" (whatever) and then applying it... Yes. But there's still something missing. Don't we tell people that there is nothing we can do to "earn" salvation? Of course we do. And this is also true. We cannot "earn" salvation, but once we are given that gift, what do we DO with our (now) changed hearts...walking it daily? See, the weird thing is, I understood these things...they were not foreign to me. Jesus Christ changes us day by day, and we grow and mature in him. I KNEW this. I could feel it in me. Still something seemed to just "fizzle out."
Wow, just what WAS missing? All I can say is, I started to "stagnate.". I could feel myself going "backwards, and it was like my "growth" was being stunted...even though, in my heart of hearts, I was doing what I needed to do to be "fed" and to "feed" his sheep. After a while, it seemed like I just heard the same thing over and over again: It's all about having a relationship with Jesus. Yes...AND?? In other words...(I know now), it seemed that the "angle" that I'd learned to place on my faith, was actually rather "crooked.". The lens, through which I was "magnifying" my faith, seemed to be "cracked" somehow.
I still have SO much to say about this, but I'm getting tired, so it will need to wait for another entry. But I will just say this: relationships are. WORK...are they not? Of course! So, speaking reasonably, a relationship with Jesus where there is true devotion...will be WORK...will it not? Of course! So let's get on to the work we are now required to do for Him. (yes, LET's...hurry!!). Wait...what'd ya say: that we're not REQUIRED TO do any work for him? All we need do is ask? Really? Well, how does that jive with the fact that we become bondservants, or "slaves" to Christ when we ARE saved?? Listen, SLAVES WORK...they WORK HARD...AND they often do it methodically and systematically because they are "bound" to the task at hand until it's finished. It's called "discipline" I believe...and we cannot carry out our master's instructions without it. Here's the thing: the only "methods" I find for actually DEVELOPING Biblical discipline...are written in the OLD Covenant. The OLD TESTAMENT...you know the longer, first half of the ENTIRE BIBLE...that most Evangelical churches use to "compliment" their New Covenant verses because (they say) these "legalistic" rules no longer apply to us TODAY? That's interesting because the first Covenant, or agreement has more books in it than the second one. And get this...the second Covenant, or agreement that we seem to lean so heavily on because, it's all about GRACE...it has more "Commands" in it than the Old Covenant! :). But wait, aren't we staying away from "legalism" here?? Yes, we are, and in doing so, I think we're wiping out most of our discipline...and we become lazy...at least, I know for a fact, this is what has happened to ME. Maybe it isn't about legalism. Maybe it's like we tell people (born gain Christians): It has nothing to do with work because we can't earn salvation. Correct. Maybe, because of everything our Savior has done for us, it ought to be our PLEASURE to work our butts off in return...because we LOVE him...because we ADORE what he's done for us. MAYBE, he wishes for us to work as though we COULD earn salvation DESPITE the fact that it is not NECESSARY, because love shows itself in action. Have you ever been in love with someone and could not WAIT to do everything you could to earn all the favor you could...even though you're perfectly aware that it's not necessary? It'a pleasure to do so, right? Well?...
Saturday, March 7, 2015
The Old and the New
Replacement theology...
Hmmm, I THOUGHT it meant that some spiritual teacher took the idea of "saved by grace, through faith" and "replaced" it with some legalistic idea. Nope.
In truth, I am now wondering whether Replacement Theology is in fact, what I've been believing myself, and I just didn't know it. Now, we are saved by God's grace...absolutely. But after some personal study on the matter, it seems to me that Replacement Theology, means taking (for centuries now), the Jewish, culture, traditions and roots of a Jewish faith, and "replacing" these, with pagan festivals and holidays. Replacing (and changing) the Sabbath day, and the original feast days (or divine appointments) with God. Now, most people don't realize this, because we carry on the traditions with which we are brought up.
This is fine. I do not mean to be disrespectful to anyone. It's just that I understand now why evangelicals are, at times, called evan-jelly fish. This is hard for me to write, because I don't have any desire to replace the grace of Jesus with anything. But for me, something's missing. I mean, just as an example, it's quite confusing to me, as someone who's saved through Jesus shed blood on the cross, that MANY Jewish folks are actually quite offended by this. They do not believe it, and they do not want to talk about it. Now, many folks who are not Jewish take offense to the scriptures and the message of salvation as well. But in this case, the evangelical Christian looks at this as a witnessing opportunity and, we share the message of the cross with them. Because how will they know if they've not heard, right? We become excited because we can quote John 3:16 to them, maybe Romans 8:28. Now, of course, we can and should give the same consideration to Jewish folks as well...but many Jewish folks won't even read a New Testament. This blows most of our argument out of the water, doesn't it? Can we show in the first covenant, where Yahweh's message of salvation is?
It's absolutely there! But I could not, and still can't very well show in the First Covenant where the evidence of Christ's plan of salvation is. It is very evident, though, in the story of Abraham and Sarah. But anyway, I'm not biologically Jewish, and literally did not think that the Old Covenant applied to me. I mean, I thought that as long as I could quote John 3:16, and Jeremiah 29:11...then I could give a defense for my faith. I could even read the Torah (not calling it the Torah, of course) and see how The Creation story is a "picture" of events to come. Sure, why not? Anyway, getting all excited about my WWJD bracelet and my Christian sweatshirts, I DID desire, to be as close to the Lord as possible. But I was convinced that nothing in the First Covenant was going to aid in a person being saved, because this was before Christ had come.
I quickly came to the conclusion that to be part of the family line of Jesus Christ, must've been the most amazing thing their was! After all, he's the savior of the world. Imagine my surprise when I began researching these things and found out that so many Jewish folks in particular reject Jesus Christ because he was...Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry if anyone's angry about this...but what did I know? Jesus Christ had changed me from the inside out...and now I wanted others to experience the same thing. I've since read that when in Israel (particularly), when one witnesses to people, it is typically offensive to speak about the cross. Now, I know there is at least one Messianic Bible college there, and several Messianic church congregations...so not everybody is offended by the message of the cross.
But, it occurred to me that I could not really witness to someone without telling them about the cross...how would I do that? The Bible says that "By his wounds we are healed.". Anyway, how could someone be dedicated to what that Bible said, and ignore the New Testament? An interesting observation...considering that, for the most part, I ignored the OLD Testament. Plain, and simple, I believed that the old testament was just filled with animal sacrifices that are no longer necessary. I also thought that people in the old testament...ate a lot. This is because of all the FEAST days! (Come on, you know you've thought that too!). Teshuvah (Teshuva)...it's a returning to something that is good (renewing) for someone, after they've been away from it for a while. The feast days of the old testament were divine appointments between God and his people, so that they could commemorate the atonement and cleanse themselves of any known sin. (Leviticus 6:29-30). Passover? Purim? Chanukah? What are these things? I thought they were unnecessary to me, because I'm not Jewish.
But to me, appointments with God were not necessary, because I had been bought and paid for with his shed blood. I mean, I thought it was sad that anyone would ever end up in Hell because the message of salvation was so simple. All you had to do was to ask. Ask Jesus into your heart, and he'll come, right? (Revelation 3:20). Sure! It's true...but what then? Where do yo go from there? No church sweatshirts or WWJD bracelets were going to help me with this. Anyway...what happens when God asks us to walk through something REALLY hard, like he did Abraham? Well, believing that old testament stories no longer applied today (as far as I was concerned), I never thought God WOULD ask me to walk through anything like that. This is not going so well, is it?
Hmmm, I THOUGHT it meant that some spiritual teacher took the idea of "saved by grace, through faith" and "replaced" it with some legalistic idea. Nope.
In truth, I am now wondering whether Replacement Theology is in fact, what I've been believing myself, and I just didn't know it. Now, we are saved by God's grace...absolutely. But after some personal study on the matter, it seems to me that Replacement Theology, means taking (for centuries now), the Jewish, culture, traditions and roots of a Jewish faith, and "replacing" these, with pagan festivals and holidays. Replacing (and changing) the Sabbath day, and the original feast days (or divine appointments) with God. Now, most people don't realize this, because we carry on the traditions with which we are brought up.
This is fine. I do not mean to be disrespectful to anyone. It's just that I understand now why evangelicals are, at times, called evan-jelly fish. This is hard for me to write, because I don't have any desire to replace the grace of Jesus with anything. But for me, something's missing. I mean, just as an example, it's quite confusing to me, as someone who's saved through Jesus shed blood on the cross, that MANY Jewish folks are actually quite offended by this. They do not believe it, and they do not want to talk about it. Now, many folks who are not Jewish take offense to the scriptures and the message of salvation as well. But in this case, the evangelical Christian looks at this as a witnessing opportunity and, we share the message of the cross with them. Because how will they know if they've not heard, right? We become excited because we can quote John 3:16 to them, maybe Romans 8:28. Now, of course, we can and should give the same consideration to Jewish folks as well...but many Jewish folks won't even read a New Testament. This blows most of our argument out of the water, doesn't it? Can we show in the first covenant, where Yahweh's message of salvation is?
It's absolutely there! But I could not, and still can't very well show in the First Covenant where the evidence of Christ's plan of salvation is. It is very evident, though, in the story of Abraham and Sarah. But anyway, I'm not biologically Jewish, and literally did not think that the Old Covenant applied to me. I mean, I thought that as long as I could quote John 3:16, and Jeremiah 29:11...then I could give a defense for my faith. I could even read the Torah (not calling it the Torah, of course) and see how The Creation story is a "picture" of events to come. Sure, why not? Anyway, getting all excited about my WWJD bracelet and my Christian sweatshirts, I DID desire, to be as close to the Lord as possible. But I was convinced that nothing in the First Covenant was going to aid in a person being saved, because this was before Christ had come.
I quickly came to the conclusion that to be part of the family line of Jesus Christ, must've been the most amazing thing their was! After all, he's the savior of the world. Imagine my surprise when I began researching these things and found out that so many Jewish folks in particular reject Jesus Christ because he was...Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry if anyone's angry about this...but what did I know? Jesus Christ had changed me from the inside out...and now I wanted others to experience the same thing. I've since read that when in Israel (particularly), when one witnesses to people, it is typically offensive to speak about the cross. Now, I know there is at least one Messianic Bible college there, and several Messianic church congregations...so not everybody is offended by the message of the cross.
But, it occurred to me that I could not really witness to someone without telling them about the cross...how would I do that? The Bible says that "By his wounds we are healed.". Anyway, how could someone be dedicated to what that Bible said, and ignore the New Testament? An interesting observation...considering that, for the most part, I ignored the OLD Testament. Plain, and simple, I believed that the old testament was just filled with animal sacrifices that are no longer necessary. I also thought that people in the old testament...ate a lot. This is because of all the FEAST days! (Come on, you know you've thought that too!). Teshuvah (Teshuva)...it's a returning to something that is good (renewing) for someone, after they've been away from it for a while. The feast days of the old testament were divine appointments between God and his people, so that they could commemorate the atonement and cleanse themselves of any known sin. (Leviticus 6:29-30). Passover? Purim? Chanukah? What are these things? I thought they were unnecessary to me, because I'm not Jewish.
But to me, appointments with God were not necessary, because I had been bought and paid for with his shed blood. I mean, I thought it was sad that anyone would ever end up in Hell because the message of salvation was so simple. All you had to do was to ask. Ask Jesus into your heart, and he'll come, right? (Revelation 3:20). Sure! It's true...but what then? Where do yo go from there? No church sweatshirts or WWJD bracelets were going to help me with this. Anyway...what happens when God asks us to walk through something REALLY hard, like he did Abraham? Well, believing that old testament stories no longer applied today (as far as I was concerned), I never thought God WOULD ask me to walk through anything like that. This is not going so well, is it?
Thursday, March 5, 2015
No Need to Fight Fire With Fire
Until I heard a Jewish Rabbi explain the Creation Story, I never thought of the angel guarding the Tree of Life as a good thing.
I mean God's love and forgiveness toward us was (and still is) wonderful, but, it was always that the Tree of Life had to be guarded because we misbehaved. We were bad. We should've known better. We were tempted to think wrong things about God. We sinned. Basically: "Bad baby, bad baby, bad baby!!".
But when I heard Rabbi Daniel Lapin explain the story...it was different. Lapin said that God placed the flaming sword at the door to the Tree of Life in order to keep the door open...rather than to CLOSE it. Really?
In other words, the Father placed that flaming sword at the door to the Tree, in order to be able to invite us back in...that we might be able to have fellowship with Him anyway.
You know, for the first time, when hearing the Creation Story, instead of envisioning a wooden cross, with a bloody, battered Jesus hanging from it, I was able to imagine the Father's arms reaching for me, saying: "I want to be with you.". Until that moment, I had thought that this was NOT allowed. God the Father had to turn his face AWAY from us, because we sinned, right? Were it not for Jesus, we would all be going to Hell, right? (Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, yeah?).
Wait a minute.
This was just a slight shift in perspective, but it seemed to change my view around completely. So God guarded the Tree in order to make sure we were invited IN... not to keep us OUT. This sword of fire, was not like an omen God was using to let us know how unacceptable we were. It was a sword of protection to keep us from further harm and keep the invitation of intimacy open to us...
As a born again Christian, the beginning of Genesis, was the SIN on which, the rest of the Bible was based. We became unacceptable to God the Father, Jesus was our only hope, and without him, we would face Hell forever. I basically said this already, but actually, this proves my point. I was a Christian...on "fire" for Jesus...and wanting to "save" anyone I could from an eternity in Hell. As a Child, I had an illustrated book of Bible Stories (Which I read with excitement because (the Holy Spirit) gave me a passion for them). But, when I got a little older, and was actually in church, those Old Testament stories soon began to lose the sense of childlike wonderment.
In plain English:
I really did not think it was necessary to be intimately acquainted with these stories as an adult. I would hear wonderful Evangelical teachers (that I really respected)say things like: "I'm sure glad we were born on this side of the cross, aren't you?" I won't name who said this, but what he meant is that it's a relief to know that today, the blood sacrifices are not necessary, and neither is physical circumcision. Christ (ultimately) was the Passover Lamb, when we belong to him, we are to take up our "cross" daily and follow Him. Why is it that all of the sudden, this "truth," that always seemed so non-religious, is like the most religious thing I've ever written about? Strange, since I just started this blog. Anyway, I'm writing this blog now, because something is off kilter, and I'm trying to figure out what it is. Christ's love and forgiveness is in me...but what's missing? I think if I chronicle the journey I've been on for the last year or so, I might find out what it is. Care to join me?
I mean God's love and forgiveness toward us was (and still is) wonderful, but, it was always that the Tree of Life had to be guarded because we misbehaved. We were bad. We should've known better. We were tempted to think wrong things about God. We sinned. Basically: "Bad baby, bad baby, bad baby!!".
But when I heard Rabbi Daniel Lapin explain the story...it was different. Lapin said that God placed the flaming sword at the door to the Tree of Life in order to keep the door open...rather than to CLOSE it. Really?
In other words, the Father placed that flaming sword at the door to the Tree, in order to be able to invite us back in...that we might be able to have fellowship with Him anyway.
You know, for the first time, when hearing the Creation Story, instead of envisioning a wooden cross, with a bloody, battered Jesus hanging from it, I was able to imagine the Father's arms reaching for me, saying: "I want to be with you.". Until that moment, I had thought that this was NOT allowed. God the Father had to turn his face AWAY from us, because we sinned, right? Were it not for Jesus, we would all be going to Hell, right? (Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, yeah?).
Wait a minute.
This was just a slight shift in perspective, but it seemed to change my view around completely. So God guarded the Tree in order to make sure we were invited IN... not to keep us OUT. This sword of fire, was not like an omen God was using to let us know how unacceptable we were. It was a sword of protection to keep us from further harm and keep the invitation of intimacy open to us...
As a born again Christian, the beginning of Genesis, was the SIN on which, the rest of the Bible was based. We became unacceptable to God the Father, Jesus was our only hope, and without him, we would face Hell forever. I basically said this already, but actually, this proves my point. I was a Christian...on "fire" for Jesus...and wanting to "save" anyone I could from an eternity in Hell. As a Child, I had an illustrated book of Bible Stories (Which I read with excitement because (the Holy Spirit) gave me a passion for them). But, when I got a little older, and was actually in church, those Old Testament stories soon began to lose the sense of childlike wonderment.
In plain English:
I really did not think it was necessary to be intimately acquainted with these stories as an adult. I would hear wonderful Evangelical teachers (that I really respected)say things like: "I'm sure glad we were born on this side of the cross, aren't you?" I won't name who said this, but what he meant is that it's a relief to know that today, the blood sacrifices are not necessary, and neither is physical circumcision. Christ (ultimately) was the Passover Lamb, when we belong to him, we are to take up our "cross" daily and follow Him. Why is it that all of the sudden, this "truth," that always seemed so non-religious, is like the most religious thing I've ever written about? Strange, since I just started this blog. Anyway, I'm writing this blog now, because something is off kilter, and I'm trying to figure out what it is. Christ's love and forgiveness is in me...but what's missing? I think if I chronicle the journey I've been on for the last year or so, I might find out what it is. Care to join me?
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